I have written previously about my transition from a stay at home, military wife back into the world of paid work (I say paid work because being a stay at home parent is an unpaid job and a half) and what an amazing first experience it was. It was a short contract, in heritage (dream job), working from home, allowing me to be creative and a apart of a lovely team. Sadly but inevitably the contract came to an end and cocky me thought, wow I did a pretty good job, I bet I could get another job in heritage easily! Oh how wrong I was.
The first few weeks I stayed positive. When I received the first couple of rejections, I used them as teaching moments, adjusting my CV, improving cover letters but I stayed positive, someone would give me a chance, right? But the Nos just kept coming. And even worse the no responses.
There is nothing more humbling than putting your heart out onto an application form and waiting. Planning what you will say at the interview and what to wear. Imagining getting the call that you got the job and then working your ass off to do a good job. You wait. and wait. check emails everyday. Ask yourself, is 'my phone working?', 'Did I put the right number on the form?' People ask if you have heard anything from that perfect job you applied for. After a month you have got the picture. You didn't get it. Not even close. And this happens over and over. The rejection and HARSH! But the world is a competitive place, I had underestimated that. And apparently overestimated myself.
In 2010 I was young and cute with a bunch of recent experience. Now I'm old and flappy (my daughters words not mine, although they are accurate) with a gaping decade hole in my CV.
Until recently, I hadn't applied for a job since 2010 and everything is so different now. What? you want an online application not a scrappy piece of paper with my GCSE results and how much of a team player I am. No? And what's LinkedIn BTW? But the main difference was that in 2010 I was young and cute with a bunch of recent experience. Now I'm old and flappy (my daughters words not mine, although they are accurate) with a gaping decade hole in my CV. In addition, heritage jobs are usually government funded which in Wales means you need to be Welsh speaking. I don't if you hadn't guessed. I am Welsh, I have Welsh ancestry as far back as records can go but where I live isn't a Welsh speaking area and honestly up until now there has been no real reason to learn. I have no one to talk to even if I did speak it. But this is modern Wales and so I am learning. But all those factors and I'm sure many more means that Flappy McGee over here is NOT an attractive candidate on paper.
Honestly, I wish I could say I am staying positive and hopeful. And most days I am. But some days I feel like throwing in the towel and giving up on my dream working in the heritage sector. I appreciate that I am in a position of privilege where we can survive on my husbands wages but I want that feeling I had when I was working back, desperately. To feel like I have worth, like I am a part of something, like I can pay for the grocery shopping or my daughters prom dress with MY money that have earnt doing a good job at something I am passionate about. Maybe this is too much of an ask in this economy. But I will keep trying. I may not be amazing on paper but I know that when I do get a job I will prove myself. I know I can do a good job for someone out there. Wish me luck!
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